Hashtag relationship goals!! While preparing blog post God brought something to my mind. He is about to elevate me because I learned to handle difficult people, showed love when knew they were jealous and hating, defend the helpless, open to constructive criticism, countless times gave when didn’t receive, always support others, forgave when necessary, embrace culture and diversity, apologize when wrong, initiate difficult conversations to work through issues, speak up for what’s right, practice unity and peace, pure intentions, and improved communication skills. I pass the test. I’m ready for what’s to come. He can trust me with people to be fair and just.
If you want better people skills, deeper, authentic, real, sustaining relationships this blog post is for you.
Class is in session.. I’m going ALL IN
LOVE WINS
What’s the solution to a world filled with haters, discrimination, and racism. People don’t like you for silly stuff like rich, poor, college grad, no degree, religion, nationality, and skin color. LOVE IS THE ANSWER!! Love thy homeless, muslim, black, gay, white, jewish, holier than thou, annoying, christian, atheist, racist, difficult, haters, jealous, and dramatics. “Be the change you wish to see in the world”. If we humble ourselves to practice God’s love we will thrive interpersonally. Loving people is God’s greatest gift! The gift of love! The world would be a better place. No one ranks higher than God. WE ALL ARE EQUAL JUST SKIN, BONE, AND FLESH.
Your relationship with people should represent God. Is it easy? No, but “you will never influence the world trying to be like it”. Everyone needs mercy and grace because God does the same for us! In order to do this we have to accept no one is perfect including self. When you become relational savvy oh the places you will go. You will be saying things like: “The only reason I keep doing right by people is because God keeps doing right by me”, and “she did more than talk about Jesus she loved like him”.
“ Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God”. 1 John 4: 7 (NIV)
DIFFERENT PERSONALITIES
OMG when I learned about different personality types had an “ aha moment”. It changed my life FOREVER!!!!!! Understood different personalities much better. Started to appreciate and respect people for who they are, what they like, and dislike instead of trying to change them, force people to do things that’s just not them, or impose my viewpoints. Became a part of their world. Been winning ever since!
4 Personality types…
Sanguine personality – active, social, creative, optimistic, energetic, carefree. Sanguine people get bored easily
Phlegmatic personality- relaxed, peaceful, great with interpersonal relationships, love helping others, calm temperament to avoid conflicts
Choleric personality- short- tempered, fast, irritable, goal oriented person, dislike small talk, likes to hang out with likeminded people
Melancholic personality- wise, quiet, logical, love traditions, don’t like trying new things, enjoy family and friends, orderly, likes routine
STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES
We are one body that functions differently. We need others strengths to balance out weak areas to thrive together. Don’t compare yourself to others. Be thankful for your gifts.
RESPECT VIEWPOINTS
Respect others viewpoints without belittling, name calling, or getting upset when people think differently than you. An opinion is just an opinion. Learn to debate in a respectful manner. Be approachable in your stance. People don’t have to agree with you. Can agree to disagree with kindness. Don’t cut people off while they’re talking especially when don’t agree. Wise people learn from talking with people who think differently.
DIFFICULT PEOPLE
True test of God’s unconditional love is dealing with people who are difficult to like and hard to love. Although, want to throw in the towel with draining, negative energy, and drama have to love EVERYONE!! Simply because Jesus came to save the lost. Don’t have to be BFFs or hang out with each other. Show empathy for difficult people because deep down they are acting out for a reason. They need love and prayer.
“If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that”. Luke 6: 32-33 (NIV)
EVERYONE CAN’T GO
Devastating part of growing realize everyone can’t go with you because “ some people are only compatible with expired version of you”. Some people must be left behind similar to Mark 8: 34 “Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: “whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me” because not all relationships are meant to last forever. Some relationships are meant for a lesson, blessing to help us to the next level, and/or seasonal. When people show you who they’re believe them. Bringing seasonal people on your journey will cause misery and roadblocks hindering God’s plan for your life. Although, become distant from people use to be close too. Love from a distance who knows what the future holds. Pray for discernment because “knowing who to cut off and who to be patient with is everything”!!!
INNER CIRCLE
True friends who are equally yoked, bring out the best in you, loving, peaceful, positive vibes, fun, cheer for you, help you achieve goals, supportive, authentic, and understand there is enough room for all of us to make it. Read more about how to distinguish real friend from a fake friend here.
FAMILY
Paris Jackson said something worth sharing “every family has their moments of trauma, heart break, separation, love, oneness, tribe, pain, and everything”. Then, coworker stated “God gave us family to practice true love. If we can love them we have a place in heaven”. This is funny but true because family can be so different even when raised in same household. Different paths, desires, and personalities. If we don’t attempt to love the differences can lead to clashing, distance, and separation. Family hurt our feelings the most because we love them the most. We can’t throw family away. God doesn’t want that. Although, it’s fine to take breaks and love from a distance but never give up on family. Believe every family should communicate better, set healthy boundaries, no sibling rivalry, favoritism, division, or jealousy tolerated. Question is if not you, then who? Yes you. Generational changer.
MAKE THINGS RIGHT AFTER AN ARGUMENT
After an argument make amends, repair, and reconcile from hurt, misunderstanding, and disappointment. In the era of “cut them off” honorable to take initiative to make things right by reaching out. If person doesn’t respond when reach out at least your conscience is clear and you did your part. Be sure to talk about issue head on, talk about hard topics that caused barrier in communication, and what hurt your feelings.
Take responsibility for your mistakes or role in the misunderstanding. Never make excuses or be defensive. Listen to understand. Focus on the problem without blaming or attacking. People are hurting already! Hurt people hurt people! “No woman has ever made herself great by showing how small someone else is”. “You can tell people feel good about themselves because they make you feel good about yourself”. Read the book how to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie. He recommends “don’t criticize, complain, or condemn”.
After, conversation mutually decide how to move forward either reconnect or conversation was closure. If move on separately do so cordially with no ill feelings.
I learned restoration and rekindling relationships take time and patience don’t have unrealistic expectations or pressure. We are called to represent Christ by restoring relationships especially in a world filled with unresolved issues and brokenness. Go with the flow and let things happen naturally.
“ Not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another and all the more as you see the day approaching”. – Hebrews 10: 25 (NIV)
FORGIVENESS
Have you ever encountered a lasting relationship that didn’t require forgiveness? For those relationships worth fighting for and meant to last we can’t give up. Be patient with people as God is patient with us as we spiritually mature until they get it right!
“ Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “ Lord how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”. Jesus answered “ I tell you not seven times, but SEVENTY- SEVEN TIMES”.– Matthew 18: 21 -22 (NIV)
As soon as we repent our sins to God he forgives us instantly! We must do the same to others! It’s easy to point out someone else’s sin but we sometimes forget we fall short. We point out their mistake but don’t admit our wrongdoing.
Forgive. Move on. Don’t hold grudges. Grudges cause a bitter heart. When we don’t forgive we are blocking blessings because we are to forgive as he has forgiven us. That’s how you let your light shine brighter and have better relationships!
There is no greater way to apologize than change behavior. Our job isn’t to change people. Our job is to love like Jesus and watch him do it.
“All this from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God”. – 2 Corinthians 5: 18 -20 (NIV)
NEVER MAKE ASSUMPTIONS
Never assume anything especially based off what YOU think the person is saying, facial expression, tone of voice, and/or body language. Instead ask questions immediately! Don’t let too much time pass by because will overthink. Your false assumptions can create illusions and issues that don’t exist damaging relationships. Don’t assume people know your thoughts no matter how close you are to each other.
“Every time you judge someone you reveal a part of yourself that needs healing”.
HOPE YOU ARE ENCOURAGED!
Peace, Love, & Blessings!
XOXO Go Patty💋 😘
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